I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
