you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
