dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
