In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
someone threw a dead crab at me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
