Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What a dumb baby whore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
