I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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