i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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