I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
