I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
