Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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