why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
