Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
