As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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