This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
