apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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