i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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