Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
