So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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