Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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