I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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