just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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