At least make sure they are 18
Why
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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