I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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