Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
