i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
