Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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