and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
