I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
