Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize