This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
