She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
