i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
