we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
