onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
