I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
