his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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