Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
