I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
