well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
