after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize