Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
