No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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