Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
