she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
