i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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