Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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