She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
