What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize