this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
