Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
