he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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