Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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