wakey wakey hands off snakey
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
