Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize