Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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