I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
