She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
