Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
