Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize