We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
ttyl tear gas
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
