she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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