I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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