Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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